time on my hands . . .

what the heck is going on here? i had to send the kids to their dad today so it was just me after 10:30am. i cleaned the house, i took a shower and got ready . . . to go nowhere! i went and had a coffee at starbuck's, sat on the patio and read In Style. sounds like a relaxing afternoon right? it's driving me crazy! i don't know what to do with free time. actually, that's not true. i know what i would like to do with my free time but i have no one to do it with.

these are days when i wish you were here. when i wonder what it might be like to call you up and go grab some drinks or dinner or go shopping together. i hate that you are so far away!

so the other part of having time on my hands is spending a whole lot of time thinking . . . thinking about dating, ugh!

i wanted him to call today. thought he might. was obviously mistaken.

why do i feel like i need someone to share my time with? why do i crave companionship? these are the questions that keep me up at night. seriously though, i feel really lonely when the kids aren't here. i'm sure i could find stuff to keep me busy but i really long for the affection . . . attention of the opposite sex. it's not fair.

sometimes i feel like all the good ones are taken or i'll have to wait for 10 more years to find my good one like my parents.

you know what's even more sad? i don't think i really know how to date. i never really did. i had serious relationship #1 through high school and into college with jb and then, with the exception of a few fleeting episodes i can't even call relationships, i went right into marriage! now, at the ripe old age of 29 i feel clueless about the whole process. having a boyfriend again seems like a ridiculous concept.

so, i'm trying to concentrate on me. on figuring out what i really want and who i want it from. you know me though, not the most patient of women. i'm all about the instant gratification!

oh well, i guess i shouldn't complain. some women would kill for free time. i definitely won't be taking it for granted.

lot's of love doll, sleep tight . . .