expecting the unexpected?

wow! i'm completely thrown. more than usual. sometimes i have to stop myself and try to get a handle on what it is i think i'm doing exactly. my situation seems to change almost daily and it's always about expecting the unexpected. and of course this relates mostly to the men in my life . . . and those that aren't in my life for that matter.

why is it that adults make such . . . bad decisions? i guess that's how we learn right? tell me really though, what's so educational about being chased by married men? i seem to have a beacon that calls out to them because over the last . . . oh, six to eight months of my life i've had six, yes i said 6, of them profess their curiousity, passion, obsession, awe struckedness, yes even love, for me. what do i say to that? it's flattering to say the least but i inevetebly get the raw end of that deal. needless to say of course they are all "happily" married (the most hypocritical statement i've ever heard from any of them) and i'm purely . . . forbidden fruit. or at least that's what i've dubbed it as.

so i've managed to shake most of them loose, tried to turn over this new leaf of morality and what not, but they keep coming. and some of them are actually really a lot of fun, interesting, attractive men. but i'm sure their wives think so too. one in particular was all that i could have ever imagined. but in the grand scheme of things he's that to his wife as well and his sense of responsibility was enough to keep him tethered to his family.

not that for one second i would ever, and i mean ever, want anyone to disrupt their family for me. not really an option. so, i have to have that conversation with the newest member of the matrimonial club at breakfast. just where do you think this is going? what delusions are you harboring about me and you? that kind of fun stuff. wanna come? you could be my ref! ha

funny thing is that there are not just married men. there are one or two single men as well. only one that i'm really interested in . . . really, really interested in. he's older, sexy as hell, fun, mature and definitely easy going. scorned by previous relationships which of course makes my job all that much more difficult. we're supposed to talk tomorrow and spend some time together monday. we'll see how all that pans out.

funny thing about him is that i'm beyond intrigued, wildly interested and incredibly turned on by him . . . all of him! hasn't happened in a while but i don't really know his whole story. i know parts of it but the pieces don't all fit together yet. oh, and did i mention it's an incredible challenge? that's probably the most fun of it all. for now anyway.

so, i guess i'll keep you posted and see what transpires over the next day or two. i just needed to get all these thoughts out before i try to sleep. otherwise, there is no rest for the wicked!

night night beautiful. miss you lots.